"WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?" = I'm insecure about my manhood.

"I WANT A COMMITMENT." = I'm sick of masturbation.

"I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME LAST NIGHT." = Who the hell are you??

"I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT." = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

"I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL." = I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

"I'M A ROMANTIC." = I'm poor.

"I THINK WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS." = You're ugly.

"HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU BEFORE?" = Nice ass.

"I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." = Get tested.

"YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I'VE EVER CARED ABOUT." = You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.

"WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER." = If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity."

"I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOU." = Next!!

"I NEED YOU." = My hand is tired.

"I WANT YOU BACK." = ...for tonight anyway.

"I AM DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE OTHER GUYS." = I'm not circumsized.

"I MISS YOU SO MUCH!" = I am so horny my roommate is starting to look good.

"WANT TO SNUGGLE?" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

"DO YOU LOVE ME?" = I've done something stupid, and you might find out.

"DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME?" = I've done something stupid, and you're going to find out sooner or later.

"HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?" = I've done something *really* stupid, and someone is on their way to tell you now.

"IT'S JUST ORANGE JUICE. TRY IT." = Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.

"SHE'S KINDA CUTE." = I want to have sex with her until I am blue.

"I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE HER." = She won't sleep with me.

"I REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER." = So I can tell my friends about it.

"HOW DO I COMPARE WITH OTHER BOYFRIENDS?" = Is my penis really that small?

"I KNOW WHERE I AM." = Oh God! Where the hell am I?

"THE REMOTE IS BROKEN." = Come here wherever you are and change the channel.

"I'M HUNGRY." = Make me something to eat.

"THE DISHWASHER IS FULL." = I've run out of place to hide the dirty dishes.

"IT'S YOUR DECISION." = I'm totally clueless, so you decide, and I'll just take half the credit.

"WE NEED TO TALK." = I need to complain.

"SURE, GO AHEAD." = I don't want you to, but I'll use this next time we fight to show how supportive I am.

"YOU'RE SO FEMININE." (ACUTALLY A QUESTION) = Do you do laundry, cook, windows?

"LET'S BE ROMANTIC... TURN OUT THE LIGHTS." = Beer gut? What beer gut?

"I'M FEELING ROMANTIC TONIGHT." = There's no game on tonight.

"I'M NOT EMOTIONAL, AND I'M NOT OVER-REACTING!!" = I'm losing my hair.

"I HAD HER." = I had (wet dreams about) her all week.