AUDI
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster Bimbette Motor Weapon Break My Window

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
D*mn Old Dirty Gas Eater Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Fix it again, Tony!

FORD
First On Recall Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fault Of R&D Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. and Ron's DNA Found On Russian Dump backward: Driver Returns On Foot

GM
General Maintenance Great Mistake

GMC
Garage Man's Companion Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless